February 28, 2012

A Thousand and One Soggy Nights


We’ve started letting H help clear the dishes after dinner. We want her to have a sense of helping, and she gets a kick out of putting things back in the fridge. Yellow care bear in one hand, she was cheerfully putting silverware into the dishwasher with me tonight when suddenly she was gone. I thought she’d just gotten distracted by something. Then I saw Josh run.

He made it to the bathroom just in time to see H’s wide-eyed confusion as pee streamed down her leg and all over the rug. By the time I got there she was seated, with soaked panties still on, on the toilet. It’s still quite common for a few drops to get in the pants; sometimes the whole crotch gets wet. It’s been months, however, since I’ve had to clean a trail of pee from the kitchen to the bathroom. All three of us were rather bewildered at this particular turn of events on the long road to potty training success.

When we started potty training in September, it was meant to be a three-day process. That was five months ago.

Given all that has transpired in those months, maybe I would have done things differently. Maybe I would have waited longer to start. The crux of the matter, like so many of the spinning plates in my life, is that we chose that time because I was pregnant with the twins. I wanted H to have a good six months to perfect the potty before she had a new baby brother or sister (this was before the final ultrasound). Also, Josh had finally returned from being gone all year, and we had finished our round of travel to see family. It seemed like the perfect moment.

Then I lost the twins, Josh left on deployment, and in grief-stricken, single parenthood I relied a great deal on simply continuing to put one foot in front of the other to get us through. The potty training was, at varying times, successful enough to give me hope of its soon success. Regardless, it is now far too late to abandon ship, despite H’s pitiful, and random, plea this afternoon for a diaper after she peed a bit in her underwear. In her post-nap stupor, she cried and clung to me and moaned for diapers to save her from the horror of having to remove the pee-soaked underwear herself. Sorry, kid, not a chance.

It’s not that I expect perfection from a child who’s two years and nine months old. But, dear God, what will it take to convince her to let us take her to the toilet before she starts peeing? In her defense, before today’s double debacle, we’d gotten the accidents down from almost every time she peed to 1-2 per day. After success and regression, she’s staying dry during naps again. Josh’s magic touch in taking a sleeping toddler to pee has also helped her to stay dry all night. (Author’s Note: Moments after writing this, Josh came in with a pantless, sleepy toddler, whom I held while he freshened up her pee-soaked bed. Apparently I jinxed her. Sigh.)  I’m not at all trying to brag when I say she’s probably still ahead of most of her peers. I remind myself of this when I’m ready to start tearing out my hair.

H, unfortunately or not, received, along with beauty and charm, the combined stubbornness of both sides of the family. We’re talking some alarmingly stubborn people here. I’m not sure I’ve ever met a more resolutely stubborn creature in my life than my daughter. Combine that with an under-developed sense of logic, a stubborn mom, and a case of denial over the fact that she has to pee, and you’ve got a perfect storm of wet pants ad nauseam. (I will refer you to the multiple occasions when she asserts, "I can't go pee pees," sweeping her tiny arm defiantly, as she pees in the toilet.) Some days I feel that it is only my conviction of her slim chances of going to college with wet pants that keeps me going.



Several times (here, here, and here), I have talked about the potty training journey. Often I wrap up by philosophizing that children need time to blossom into the flowers they are, or some such bullshit. Tonight, however, maybe I’ll just count small blessings. For example, I don’t have to pay for water on base, so bring on the pee-soaked laundry! This is the longest H has had two parents around in a year and a half, so maybe our powers combined will turn the tide. I am now versed in removing pee from every soft surface in my house. Surely this is valuable Mom-knowledge. Finally, let’s admit it, H is still the cutest, most lovable, sweetest child I could ever hope to parent. If this is as bad as it gets, then yeah, I guess I can clean up some pee.

12 comments:

  1. 1. She won't go to college in wet underwear. 2. You are becoming SUCH a fantastic storyteller. The level of your writing has skyrocketed since you first started blogging (not that it was bad to begin with).

    I wish you continued luck with the potty-training. If it makes you feel any better, Ben has had five major accidents this week (after two months of none). So, maybe it's something about the cycle of the moon or something. :)

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  2. Ah, potty training sagas. I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot of blog fodder in this area soon (my son is 2 years 2 months). Good luck, I think she'll be fine though!

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  3. Oy. Potty training is so hard. Sometimes I'm only comforted by the platitute "don't worry. They'll get the hang of this before college." I think the key is to not compare to other kids and to just persevere. She'll get the hang of it. And it's no wonder with all the change and tragedy going on around her she's not able to totally hold it together. Sending you lots of good luck!

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  4. Hang in there, girl! My kids are ten and twelve and it's been years since I've been involved with anyone else's pee. Great things await you! Enjoyed your story very much.

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  5. First off so sorry about the loss of your twins. Oh my God, that is just unfathomable. Also then your hubs being deployed! You have a lot on your plate. My advice on potty training is to not over-focus on "getting it right," you know? I was a bed wetter as a child, this had nothing to do w. potty training - more temperament and being a deep sleeper - but things went fine and "on schedule" with my first child and not so much with my 2nd. I made a really helpful decision to just "go with it" without trying to "make" her do it in my timeframe. It took a lot longer than w. my first, but I feel that she would have been picking up on my concentration over her potty training and that would've made it even longer. So don't sweat it....give yourself a break, give it some time, and answer this question: "Will she be doing this on her wedding day?" If the answer is "No" - don't worry about it. She'll figure it out in her own time. (-: I hope that helps, sorry for blathering on here!

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  6. First off, I am wowed that H can make it through the night. E wasn't able to until he was almost 4 and W is nowhere close (and it has nothing to do with sleeping 12 hrs at night. He just can't.). We know a little something about stubborn over here too, but I don't really have advice. The only thing that works for us is giving them the illusion of control (Do you want to go in 1 min or 3 min? Do you want to go upstairs or down? Etc) Good luck and hang in there, Mama. This too shall pass!

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  7. Oh, potty-training, it does strike terror in the heart of the veteran moms. Somebody asked me recently if I was going to have more kids (we have 5) and I totally thought of potty-training right away, "Um, no." Anyway, this too shall pass, but as this was my first time on your blog, I wanted to express how sorry I am to hear about the loss of your twins and your husband's deployment. Those are some mighty big WonderWoman boots and cape you are hiding behind that blog. Good luck and I agree with the reader that she won't go to college in diapers and add that she probably won't go to preschool in diapers either. Erin

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  8. I so wanted my oldest to be PT'd. I tried pleading, begging, taking away, the three day method, this that and everything in between. Thankfully the voice of reason, by way of my own mother, knocked some sense into me, and the MOnday after turning three she did it all on her own terms in 24 hours. It sucks, and no lie, not looking forward to it with kid 2!

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  9. I don't envy parents their struggles with potty-training! My sister is going through it now with my nephew, and...let's just say it's hard and leave it at that?

    Good luck!! Hope the accidents get fewer and fewer!

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  10. Sounds like things have been rough around your parts to say the least. I'm 2 for 4 on the potty training front and I know it's hard. It does work. Diapers are not the evil of all the world and if it makes her feel more in control of her situation she may surprise you. Good luck regardless!

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  11. We are dreading the potty training experience, but am over buying diapers so there has to be a happy medium somewhere. It's not easy, but it sounds like you are doing a great job. Keep it up.

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  12. As I was reading, I was imagining all of those events in the eyes of one who is trying to make sense of using the potty. Well, trying to imagine. I couldn't. I couldn't imagine it from a grown-up's perspective either. It's a lot. And I have no advice or answers. All I know is potty training is such an individual experience for each child. Also, I am certain that everything passes and is replaced with new challenges. Please, please continue to share your stories here in your space. They are moving and vital for others in similar situations. Thanks for having the courage to let us in on your journey.

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